About Jorge (George) Fernandez:
I started using drugs when I was about 13 years old. Little did I know however, that smoking weed would soon lead to snorting coke, smoking crack, shooting heroin and going to jail, over and over and over again.
And little did I know that my teenage years would have a major effect on the rest of my life, and would eventually bring me to the place to where I am now - here, helping people quit heroin and turn their lives around. My life is based upon a true story, of ups and downs, failures and successes, so please bare with me. But I hope that by the time you finish reading this page, that you’re able to realize that if there’s hope for me, then there’s hope for you too, and for your loved ones as well. |
Born in Brooklyn New York, raised in Lawrence Massachusetts (LawTown), I started smoking weed with the kids in school at the age of 13 . Then it became an almost everyday thing to do at home, after school, and in secret of course. We were bored. There was nothing else to do. So to pass the time, we smoked weed.
By the age of 14, I learned how to steal cars and that opened up a whole new world for us. At first it was just for fun and excitement and the only way to get to drive sport cars. And at that time, where I lived, stealing cars was a sport for many teens. Nearly 1 in 9 cars were reported stolen that year - 12 times the national average. And for a time, Lawrence became America's car-theft capital. It was pretty bad. But after a short time of joy riding, selling the parts of the cars became a means of supporting my weed habit, and eventually, would become my main occupation for supporting my heroin addiction as well.
Then came the jail part. Got busted for the first time at the age of 14 for possession of a stolen motor vehicle along with some other minor charges as well. The family was shocked, and heartbroken as well, but things calmed down for a little while after that. Summer vacation came and we, (me and my cousin) were off to Brooklyn New York to spend the summer months with my dad, as was custom most years.
By the age of 14, I learned how to steal cars and that opened up a whole new world for us. At first it was just for fun and excitement and the only way to get to drive sport cars. And at that time, where I lived, stealing cars was a sport for many teens. Nearly 1 in 9 cars were reported stolen that year - 12 times the national average. And for a time, Lawrence became America's car-theft capital. It was pretty bad. But after a short time of joy riding, selling the parts of the cars became a means of supporting my weed habit, and eventually, would become my main occupation for supporting my heroin addiction as well.
Then came the jail part. Got busted for the first time at the age of 14 for possession of a stolen motor vehicle along with some other minor charges as well. The family was shocked, and heartbroken as well, but things calmed down for a little while after that. Summer vacation came and we, (me and my cousin) were off to Brooklyn New York to spend the summer months with my dad, as was custom most years.
First time I smoked a joint with my dad:
On this trip to New York, everything would change. While on our way there, my dad pulled out a joint and sparked it up in front of us and asked us if we smoked. So of course we said yes, and so the smoking began. And from there on out we would continue to smoke every day for the rest of the summer.
I don't know why my dad would smoke weed with us kids,… it just happened. And I’m not sure how, but he already knew that we were already smoking weed ourselves so I guess he figured that we might as well smoke together so that he didn't have to smoke in secret. I don’t know. I don’t have any answer for that. |
But after the summer was over, it was back to Mass and back to school again. But eventually, after getting into trouble in school repeatedly, I would end up dropping out of high school. And from there on out, it was just more drugs, more problems, and more heartache for the family.
Around this time I started doing coke (cocaine) as well, with the same friends I was smoking weed with. Although it was occasional use at the time, it would later turn into continual binges, and eventually, I would end up selling a lot of personal property to maintain those binges. Cocaine is a horrible drug. And one of the worst things about doing coke is that once you get started, it’s very difficult to stop. You just keep on sniffing until you run out of coke, run out of money or run out of stuff to sell. I hated what coke did to me, not being able to stop once I got started. And I have no idea how I ended trying coke in the first place. Maybe due to bad friends, curiosity, no real goals or structure in my life? I don’t know. But unfortunately, I did it. And sadly enough, I would keep on doing it for many years to come.
The worst part about all of this, was that I actually came from a good, middle class family. My family for the most part, were clean, decent people. No drugs or any of that stuff. I learned right from wrong from watching my mother live her life. And her life was very simple: She would wake up, go to work, come home, cook dinner for us, and stay home for the rest of the day. She would go to church every Sunday and every Wednesdays as well. She was a saint. But unfortunately, us kids didn't turn out so well. And things would become worse as time went on.
Around this time I started doing coke (cocaine) as well, with the same friends I was smoking weed with. Although it was occasional use at the time, it would later turn into continual binges, and eventually, I would end up selling a lot of personal property to maintain those binges. Cocaine is a horrible drug. And one of the worst things about doing coke is that once you get started, it’s very difficult to stop. You just keep on sniffing until you run out of coke, run out of money or run out of stuff to sell. I hated what coke did to me, not being able to stop once I got started. And I have no idea how I ended trying coke in the first place. Maybe due to bad friends, curiosity, no real goals or structure in my life? I don’t know. But unfortunately, I did it. And sadly enough, I would keep on doing it for many years to come.
The worst part about all of this, was that I actually came from a good, middle class family. My family for the most part, were clean, decent people. No drugs or any of that stuff. I learned right from wrong from watching my mother live her life. And her life was very simple: She would wake up, go to work, come home, cook dinner for us, and stay home for the rest of the day. She would go to church every Sunday and every Wednesdays as well. She was a saint. But unfortunately, us kids didn't turn out so well. And things would become worse as time went on.
The first time I tried heroin:
After another year of drugs and jail, summer time came again. And it was time to go spend those summer months with my dad once again. One day, my dad gave me $20 to go buy some records for myself. I was really into rap music in those days and I had my own DJ equipment, (which I would later sell for coke), and a collection of rap records that today would be known as old school rap.
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My New York cousin came to pick me up to hang out for the day. But instead of going to the record store to buy some rap records, he convinced me to go with him to get a bag of D with the money instead. He said he would replace the money later. I had no idea what D was, what it stood for, or what it does. I just knew that it was a drug, and they called it “D”…. for dope.
We got to the guys apartment on 5th avenue, Bay Ridge Brooklyn. It was the tiniest apartment you’ve ever seen. I’ve never seen such tiny living quarters. We stepped inside, bought the bag and sat down. He opened it up and dumped the powder on the table. It was white so I really thought that it was some kind of coke or something like that. It looked just like cocaine. He split the pile in half. He sniffed his half, and I sniffed mine. We chilled for a little bit and then we left. Within minutes my head went down. I started nodding. This was a whole new high for me, not only in my head but in my body as well. But I had no idea that what I just did was in fact heroin, until he told me what it was, after doing it of course. I always thought that heroin could only be injected, but not snorted. And I always thought that that stuff was for junkies on the street. But here I am, high on heroin, high on weed, and drinking a 40oz of malt liquor as well… all at the age of 15 years old, which would eventually pave the way for me to become a junkie as well.
Within minutes after that, I proceeded to vomit, because that’s what happens after trying heroin for the first time. It wasn’t because of the 40oz malt liquor that made me vomit, it was because of the effects of the heroin on first time users. I was mad at my cousin after that, so we departed and went our separate ways. When I got home, my dad asked me what I did with the $20 he gave me, seeing that I didn’t come home with the records that I was supposed to have bought and knowing that I was out with my cousin. I told him I spent it. He told me, “please don’t tell me you spent the money on D!” Apparently, he knew what D was too. So with my head down, I came clean and told him the truth. He was furious, but more so with my cousin and told him not to come around me anymore. And that was that... at least for now.
We got to the guys apartment on 5th avenue, Bay Ridge Brooklyn. It was the tiniest apartment you’ve ever seen. I’ve never seen such tiny living quarters. We stepped inside, bought the bag and sat down. He opened it up and dumped the powder on the table. It was white so I really thought that it was some kind of coke or something like that. It looked just like cocaine. He split the pile in half. He sniffed his half, and I sniffed mine. We chilled for a little bit and then we left. Within minutes my head went down. I started nodding. This was a whole new high for me, not only in my head but in my body as well. But I had no idea that what I just did was in fact heroin, until he told me what it was, after doing it of course. I always thought that heroin could only be injected, but not snorted. And I always thought that that stuff was for junkies on the street. But here I am, high on heroin, high on weed, and drinking a 40oz of malt liquor as well… all at the age of 15 years old, which would eventually pave the way for me to become a junkie as well.
Within minutes after that, I proceeded to vomit, because that’s what happens after trying heroin for the first time. It wasn’t because of the 40oz malt liquor that made me vomit, it was because of the effects of the heroin on first time users. I was mad at my cousin after that, so we departed and went our separate ways. When I got home, my dad asked me what I did with the $20 he gave me, seeing that I didn’t come home with the records that I was supposed to have bought and knowing that I was out with my cousin. I told him I spent it. He told me, “please don’t tell me you spent the money on D!” Apparently, he knew what D was too. So with my head down, I came clean and told him the truth. He was furious, but more so with my cousin and told him not to come around me anymore. And that was that... at least for now.
The first time I used heroin with my dad:
A few days later my dad came home and told me to follow him to his work shop in the back of the basement. He then proceeded to open up a little bag that looked just like the one I did with my cousin. He split it in half and ask me if I wanted some… so I said yeah, and I did it, again.
I had no idea that my dad was using heroin all that time since I had no idea what heroin really was or what to look for. But needless to say, I did it. I did a bag of heroin with my dad and would continue to do so almost every day for the remainder of my stay. |
To make matters a little more complicated, my dad was also transporting packets of heroin from New York to Mass as well and decided to take me with him on a few of his road trips.
I didn’t think anything of it. We just went, made the delivery and came right back, without incident. I don’t know why my dad would do heroin with me at 15 years old and take me on drug runs as well. I don’t know. I don’t have an answer for that. Maybe he thought that since I already tried it and he was already using it then we might as well use together while I was there. And when it came to drug runs, he couldn’t leave me home alone, so he took me with him. I don’t know. I don’t know why any of this happened - it just did. It wasn’t just a father and son relationship, but more like close friends I guess. I don’t know. But in spite of all of this, my dad was always good to me, always kind and always loving. I had a lot of good memories with him, taking us to the park, taking us fishing in Gloucester Mass, getting me my first cool BMX bicycle, and many more good memories as well. He cared about others. And everyone loved him everywhere we went. He was a good man with a good heart. He just had a problem with drugs, and at the time, so did I.
The summer time finally came to an end however and luckily for me, the amount of dope that I was doing with him, and for a short period of time, was not enough to get me really, really hooked because I don’t remember going through any major withdrawals. And if I did I probably thought that it was just a really bad cold or something, as I didn’t know what withdrawals were or that coming off of heroin would cause such a thing. But finally, it was over. No more dope, and no more runs, at least for a little while.
So back to Mass, back to more drugs, more jail, and more heartache for the family. I started selling drugs to support my habit as well. It was like a never ending cycle. And it just kept getting worse and worse as the time went by. Finally however, I was about to go to jail for a while and my probation officer, or someone in the system, helped me to make a deal with the judge to allow me to go to Job Corps in Chicopee Mass instead of going to jail. The judge said yes, and I gladly accepted. My mother had been through enough heartache as well, so going away was the best thing for her and for me as well.
“Job Corps is a free education and training program that helps young people learn a career, earn a high school diploma or GED, and find and keep a good job. For eligible young people at least 16 years of age that qualify as low income, Job Corps provides the all-around skills needed to succeed in a career and in life.” Job Corps www.jobcorps.gov
I didn’t think anything of it. We just went, made the delivery and came right back, without incident. I don’t know why my dad would do heroin with me at 15 years old and take me on drug runs as well. I don’t know. I don’t have an answer for that. Maybe he thought that since I already tried it and he was already using it then we might as well use together while I was there. And when it came to drug runs, he couldn’t leave me home alone, so he took me with him. I don’t know. I don’t know why any of this happened - it just did. It wasn’t just a father and son relationship, but more like close friends I guess. I don’t know. But in spite of all of this, my dad was always good to me, always kind and always loving. I had a lot of good memories with him, taking us to the park, taking us fishing in Gloucester Mass, getting me my first cool BMX bicycle, and many more good memories as well. He cared about others. And everyone loved him everywhere we went. He was a good man with a good heart. He just had a problem with drugs, and at the time, so did I.
The summer time finally came to an end however and luckily for me, the amount of dope that I was doing with him, and for a short period of time, was not enough to get me really, really hooked because I don’t remember going through any major withdrawals. And if I did I probably thought that it was just a really bad cold or something, as I didn’t know what withdrawals were or that coming off of heroin would cause such a thing. But finally, it was over. No more dope, and no more runs, at least for a little while.
So back to Mass, back to more drugs, more jail, and more heartache for the family. I started selling drugs to support my habit as well. It was like a never ending cycle. And it just kept getting worse and worse as the time went by. Finally however, I was about to go to jail for a while and my probation officer, or someone in the system, helped me to make a deal with the judge to allow me to go to Job Corps in Chicopee Mass instead of going to jail. The judge said yes, and I gladly accepted. My mother had been through enough heartache as well, so going away was the best thing for her and for me as well.
“Job Corps is a free education and training program that helps young people learn a career, earn a high school diploma or GED, and find and keep a good job. For eligible young people at least 16 years of age that qualify as low income, Job Corps provides the all-around skills needed to succeed in a career and in life.” Job Corps www.jobcorps.gov
My first attempt to change - by force:
I was 16 years old at the time; an outcast, a drug addict, a high school dropout and a junior career criminal as well. So how could things get any worse for me by going to Job Corps? I was nervous at the time, and hesitant about going to a new place that I knew nothing about. But what other choice did I have?
It was either that, or jail. I definitely didn’t want to go to jail. And this was an opportunity to stay out of trouble and begin a new life as well. So I packed up my stuff, said bye to my girl, and went off to Job Corps in hopes of getting my GED, learning a trade, and getting my life on track. |
At the time of signing up, I remember the recruiter for Job Corps made it seem as if Job Corps was a place for the elite such as Phillips Academy and that I would be lucky if I got accepted, and I felt lucky when I did. However, upon arriving at Job Corps, it was like coming upon a prison, surrounded by barbwire fences. And as it turned out, Job Corps was a place where the grand majority of the people there were troubled teens who had a lot of problems back home or who wanted to do something different with their lives as well, because of things not working out for them back home. Either way, these were not normal people. At the time, the center consisted of 3 main dorms, (just like college dorms where we all lived on campus), and a few educational and recreational buildings as well.
The goal was to get my GED and learn a trade, and of course, to stay out of trouble as well. However, within a very short time (2 weeks) I found myself surrounded by friends just like me. We were all outcasts, drug users, and troubled teens, but soon became just like brothers as well. And instead of going to class to learn we would spend our days skipping class, getting high, chasing girls, and going on liquor runs, (escaping off campus to buy and smuggle liquor, and weed as well, (although there was weed on campus). This went on for several months, along with getting in trouble.
Memorial Day weekend came however, and one of the guys knew that I knew how to steal cars for we had already stolen a couple of cars on previous liquor runs. He claimed that he knew of a chop shop in New Jersey that would pay us $1,000 to $2,000 per car and that we should take advantage of the long weekend to go make some serious cash. I didn’t want to go however. I hated stealing cars, seriously. And I didn’t want to take a chance of getting busted and going to jail, especially in another state. After a group meeting, a long argument and a process of elimination, 4 of us decided to go and take off that very night. This would turn out to become a nightmare of an adventure and the first time I ever tried crack cocaine.
The goal was to get my GED and learn a trade, and of course, to stay out of trouble as well. However, within a very short time (2 weeks) I found myself surrounded by friends just like me. We were all outcasts, drug users, and troubled teens, but soon became just like brothers as well. And instead of going to class to learn we would spend our days skipping class, getting high, chasing girls, and going on liquor runs, (escaping off campus to buy and smuggle liquor, and weed as well, (although there was weed on campus). This went on for several months, along with getting in trouble.
Memorial Day weekend came however, and one of the guys knew that I knew how to steal cars for we had already stolen a couple of cars on previous liquor runs. He claimed that he knew of a chop shop in New Jersey that would pay us $1,000 to $2,000 per car and that we should take advantage of the long weekend to go make some serious cash. I didn’t want to go however. I hated stealing cars, seriously. And I didn’t want to take a chance of getting busted and going to jail, especially in another state. After a group meeting, a long argument and a process of elimination, 4 of us decided to go and take off that very night. This would turn out to become a nightmare of an adventure and the first time I ever tried crack cocaine.
We started off in Mass, stealing 2 cars at a time. The problem was, we kept running out of gas and had no money for anything. So we had to keep stealing cars, after cars, after cars, always in pairs. But we still kept getting cars with little to no gas at all.
We stopped in Connecticut, where two of my friends were from, and added one more to the crew as well. Then from there we continued, stealing cars after cars from Connecticut to New York and finally to New Jersey yet with only 2 cars in hand. We were tired, hungry and broke. And as it turned out, there was no chop shop. It was all a lie. My friend just wanted to see his girlfriend in order to stop her from breaking up with him. We were so mad. So we left. |
He stayed. And we started our journey back to Mass again, stealing cars after cars, and continuing to run out of gas. However, our newest crew member knew his way around the Bronx in New York so we headed there to see if we can sell one of the cars for whatever we can get. And finally, we found a Dominican drug dealer who gave us $50 cash and $100 worth of coke for one of the cars. So we ate a little food, bought a little weed, and the new guy bought himself a little bit of crack as well, but he was doing it in secret, so we let him. At the time, I thought crack was crazy and I would never do such a thing. But here I was, 16 years old, high on weed and cocaine, and riding around the Bronx in a stolen vehicle, so who was I to judge him.
After a short break on a park bench, which was the most peaceful and most relaxing time we had throughout this whole entire mission, it was time to get back on course to make it back home to Job Corps. But we still had to steal a few more cars in the process. In Connecticut however, (Bridgeport Connecticut), we ran out of gas, ran out of money, and the police towed one of our cars. So we had to sell some coke in the park (Washington Park) in order to raise money for gas and food. We didn’t want to sleep in the stolen car, (we were tired of that, and it wasn’t safe), so we ended up sleeping in a hall way of a run down apartment building. It was horrible. But at least we ate and had somewhere to sleep. Come morning we were back up to 2 cars again. However, this time, we got split up. I forget why and I forget how it happened, but we got split up and I ended up staying with the new guy, the crack smoker.
After a short break on a park bench, which was the most peaceful and most relaxing time we had throughout this whole entire mission, it was time to get back on course to make it back home to Job Corps. But we still had to steal a few more cars in the process. In Connecticut however, (Bridgeport Connecticut), we ran out of gas, ran out of money, and the police towed one of our cars. So we had to sell some coke in the park (Washington Park) in order to raise money for gas and food. We didn’t want to sleep in the stolen car, (we were tired of that, and it wasn’t safe), so we ended up sleeping in a hall way of a run down apartment building. It was horrible. But at least we ate and had somewhere to sleep. Come morning we were back up to 2 cars again. However, this time, we got split up. I forget why and I forget how it happened, but we got split up and I ended up staying with the new guy, the crack smoker.
The first time I tried crack:
Later that day, we ended up in the projects in Hartford CT, out of gas, and out of money, again. We went to someone's apartment, where the lady there pulled out a pipe (crack stem) and some crack - real crack. Right there next to her was her son as well, (about my age). She took a hit, and then passed it to her son, then to my friend, and then to me. Inside I was scared to take a hit because I didn’t know what to expect.
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But I was curious just as well. So I did it. I took a hit, and got very high with a very different yet scary kind of high as well. My heart started beating fast and I was breathing heavy. It made me want to do more. I took one more hit after that, and that was enough for me. But that was the first time that I ever tried crack and I never really had any interest to do it again after that. And I would encourage anyone who’s even thinking about trying crack to stay far away from this horrible drug and the people as well. That high was too strong, too scary and too addictive. To make matters worse, I had to sleep in that house overnight as I didn’t have anywhere else to sleep. And I wasn’t about to steal any more cars as well. I was done with all that.
The next day, the new kid helped me to get a bus ticket to Springfield Mass and from there the Job Corps van came and picked me up at the bus station and brought me back to the Center where I was welcomed with open arms by all my friends. The mission was over – finally! Total cars stolen for that Memorial Day weekend: 33, and not a penny to show for it by the time we all got back. There were many more details in between, but it would take many more pages to write about it. Suffice it to say that it was great to be back home, safe on the center after 4 days of being on the streets with hardly any sleep and little food to eat, and I would never do such a thing again. But that was the first time that I tried crack.
Shortly after that however, I got busted by security for smoking weed on campus. This was my third offence. And this time, I had to face the administration board which was similar to a small court room session where they would decide on what to do with me next. And after pleading my case, blaming it all on drugs, they decided to terminate me and send me home. Security came and walked me to my dorm room where I had to pack up my stuff and leave right then and there. My friends were outside waiting for me and were saddened by the news. They actually cried, and so did I as well. Not because I wasn't able to get my GED – that didn’t bother me. And not being able to learn a trade – that didn’t trouble me either. Leaving my friends behind who had become like bothers to me, is what really made me sad, because I've never had a bond like that before.
There was about 12 of us, and a few girls as well, ages 16 to 21. And there was a very special bond there, especially after going through all of those missions together and other missions as well. And it was hard to say goodbye to all of that. Yes, they all used drugs, but they were not bad kids at heart. But that bond, that brotherly bond, was the best experience that I got from Job Corps and is still with me till this very day.
I lasted there for about 9 months from 88 to 89. But that’s it, my time was up. And it was time for me to go back home - back to more drugs, more jail and more heartache for the family. Several months later however, my Job Corps friends actually came looking for me without even knowing where I lived. They came to my city and started asking around for me and eventually found me. It was like brothers looking for their long lost brother, and it was very nice. We spent the day together and had a really good time as well. I was touched that they came for me. But that’s what real friends do – they come looking for you.
Several months later after that, my dad was on one of his runs and looking to make new connections as well. He did so, in my home town, but things didn’t go as planned. One thing led to another and by the end of the day, he got busted. And unfortunately this time, he brought his troubles into our home as well. Everything came to light. One of the Drug Task Force agents told my mom everything, exposing my dad and my own heroin use as well. After that, that’s it. My mom wasn’t haven’t it any more. So she made it clear to him to never come back here again. No visits, no phone calls, nothing. She put an end to our relationship, for our own good of course. I did get to see him one more time, on a one day visit to New York. But soon after that we lost contact, and I haven’t seen him in over 25 years. (Just recently (6-7-2014) I found out that my dad had passed away in May of 2012. Unfortunately, He died of liver cancer. He received a dignified and honorable military burial.)
The next day, the new kid helped me to get a bus ticket to Springfield Mass and from there the Job Corps van came and picked me up at the bus station and brought me back to the Center where I was welcomed with open arms by all my friends. The mission was over – finally! Total cars stolen for that Memorial Day weekend: 33, and not a penny to show for it by the time we all got back. There were many more details in between, but it would take many more pages to write about it. Suffice it to say that it was great to be back home, safe on the center after 4 days of being on the streets with hardly any sleep and little food to eat, and I would never do such a thing again. But that was the first time that I tried crack.
Shortly after that however, I got busted by security for smoking weed on campus. This was my third offence. And this time, I had to face the administration board which was similar to a small court room session where they would decide on what to do with me next. And after pleading my case, blaming it all on drugs, they decided to terminate me and send me home. Security came and walked me to my dorm room where I had to pack up my stuff and leave right then and there. My friends were outside waiting for me and were saddened by the news. They actually cried, and so did I as well. Not because I wasn't able to get my GED – that didn’t bother me. And not being able to learn a trade – that didn’t trouble me either. Leaving my friends behind who had become like bothers to me, is what really made me sad, because I've never had a bond like that before.
There was about 12 of us, and a few girls as well, ages 16 to 21. And there was a very special bond there, especially after going through all of those missions together and other missions as well. And it was hard to say goodbye to all of that. Yes, they all used drugs, but they were not bad kids at heart. But that bond, that brotherly bond, was the best experience that I got from Job Corps and is still with me till this very day.
I lasted there for about 9 months from 88 to 89. But that’s it, my time was up. And it was time for me to go back home - back to more drugs, more jail and more heartache for the family. Several months later however, my Job Corps friends actually came looking for me without even knowing where I lived. They came to my city and started asking around for me and eventually found me. It was like brothers looking for their long lost brother, and it was very nice. We spent the day together and had a really good time as well. I was touched that they came for me. But that’s what real friends do – they come looking for you.
Several months later after that, my dad was on one of his runs and looking to make new connections as well. He did so, in my home town, but things didn’t go as planned. One thing led to another and by the end of the day, he got busted. And unfortunately this time, he brought his troubles into our home as well. Everything came to light. One of the Drug Task Force agents told my mom everything, exposing my dad and my own heroin use as well. After that, that’s it. My mom wasn’t haven’t it any more. So she made it clear to him to never come back here again. No visits, no phone calls, nothing. She put an end to our relationship, for our own good of course. I did get to see him one more time, on a one day visit to New York. But soon after that we lost contact, and I haven’t seen him in over 25 years. (Just recently (6-7-2014) I found out that my dad had passed away in May of 2012. Unfortunately, He died of liver cancer. He received a dignified and honorable military burial.)
From age 17 to 19:
Soon after that, we started using heroin again, every day, from age 17 to 19, and continuing as well.
Everything got worse – worse than ever before. A lot more drugs, heroin, crack, weed and coke, a lot more jail, and a lot more heartache for the family. It was horrible, waking up sick every day and then having to worry about getting that first bag of the day just to get well. It was like a never ending nightmare that kept getting worse. |
It was very difficult to quit heroin while remaining in Lawrence Massachusetts, which would also be called later - The City of the Damned. And girls... I always had a problem with girls. I always had to have 2 or more, or one on the side. I don’t know why. I was just stupid. I was all messed up, in every area of my life. (I could insert a lot more details here and a lot more stories but that would take many more pages and would become very depressing as well.) Needless to say, nothing good happened during those mid to late teen years - nothing but more drugs, more jail and more heartache for the family.
My 2nd attempt to change:
By my late teens, I began to get really sick of myself and sick of my life and began to start trying – trying to quit this horrible drug and put an end to this horrible lifestyle of lying, cheating and stealing, all for the sake of heroin, and to keep from getting sick, (dope sick).
By the time I was 19, I found out my girl was pregnant. I was very excited to have a baby. But at the same time I knew very well that I wasn’t ready nor mentally fit to have a kid. I was still a kid myself. But it was the push I needed to begin to start trying harder. However, the more I tried, the harder things got. I would try to quit cold turkey, but would never last more than a day.
Then I went to Brookside Hospital in Nashua New Hampshire in an attempt to get clean under medical supervision, which I did, finally, but I only lasted a few days there. I couldn’t take being institutionalized and the cravings were bad so I left. And by the very next day I was back on the streets again getting a bag of dope. I failed, but I tried. My heart was in it, but my mind kept losing the battle. That stupid drug kept calling me back and I couldn’t say no - I didn’t know how to say no. I didn’t realize that my brain had been programmed to seek and use heroin every day no matter what, and anything else just didn’t feel right.
In an attempt to become legit, I even got a job at the Gillette company in North Andover Mass. But that too only lasted for a few days as well as it was impossible for me to keep using heroin and hold down a job at the same time. 9 months went by and nothing had changed, and in fact had only gotten worse as time went by. More drugs, more jail and more heartache for the family.
By the time I was 19, I found out my girl was pregnant. I was very excited to have a baby. But at the same time I knew very well that I wasn’t ready nor mentally fit to have a kid. I was still a kid myself. But it was the push I needed to begin to start trying harder. However, the more I tried, the harder things got. I would try to quit cold turkey, but would never last more than a day.
Then I went to Brookside Hospital in Nashua New Hampshire in an attempt to get clean under medical supervision, which I did, finally, but I only lasted a few days there. I couldn’t take being institutionalized and the cravings were bad so I left. And by the very next day I was back on the streets again getting a bag of dope. I failed, but I tried. My heart was in it, but my mind kept losing the battle. That stupid drug kept calling me back and I couldn’t say no - I didn’t know how to say no. I didn’t realize that my brain had been programmed to seek and use heroin every day no matter what, and anything else just didn’t feel right.
In an attempt to become legit, I even got a job at the Gillette company in North Andover Mass. But that too only lasted for a few days as well as it was impossible for me to keep using heroin and hold down a job at the same time. 9 months went by and nothing had changed, and in fact had only gotten worse as time went by. More drugs, more jail and more heartache for the family.
The greatest experience of my life:
Finally, the day came when my girl was about to give birth. I was so excited but had no idea how much of an impact that night would have on me. My girl was screaming, and then the head started coming out. It was like nothing I have ever felt or experienced before in my life. And when that full body came out all the way, it was like wow, man, the greatest feeling I’ve ever had.
What a beautiful feeling it was to see my son born. That moment brought me to tears. And it was the best feeling of my life. And almost instantly, something clicked in me telling me that man, I have to change! I mean I really really have to change! The night was over. The baby was born. And both mommy and baby needed their rest. And the only task given to me was to go and get pampers, and come right back. How hard could that be? But after being at the hospital all day (with no dope) I was starting to get sick. |
So I went back home, jumped in the stolen mustang I had parked outside my house, and went straight to the dope spot full speed ahead, and to buy pampers as well. That was the plan. It was hard enough just making it across the city without getting spotted by police as they were always on the lookout for young Hispanics in stolen cars. But sure enough, as soon as I hit the dope block, a cop that knew me and had arrested me a few times before saw me driving the mustang and knew it was stolen right away and turned around to chase me. So I quickly turned the corner and made another turn, parked the car, got out and ran to the dope house as that was my main concern. I bought my bag, came out of the house and headed straight for the car. And out of nowhere, the cop pulled up and grabbed me. It was too late to run. So he took me to jail and had the car towed.
He booked me, and put me in the cell, where I proceeded to do my bag as well. Luckily for me, the bailiff was still there in the police station, so I bailed myself out with $20 and was out of there within 15 to 20 minutes. From there, I walked in the cold weather to the store to buy the pampers. Fortunately, I had just enough money to buy a bag of dope, pay my bail, and buy a pack of pampers, but no money to pay for a taxi to take me to the hospital. So I had to walk to the hospital in the freezing cold weather to deliver the pampers to my girl. Mission accomplished!! Yes, that was a crazy night, but I still wanted to change. And I'll never forget the birth of my first born son. I didn’t tell my girl anything about the incident. I just gave her the pampers, sat down and chilled.
He booked me, and put me in the cell, where I proceeded to do my bag as well. Luckily for me, the bailiff was still there in the police station, so I bailed myself out with $20 and was out of there within 15 to 20 minutes. From there, I walked in the cold weather to the store to buy the pampers. Fortunately, I had just enough money to buy a bag of dope, pay my bail, and buy a pack of pampers, but no money to pay for a taxi to take me to the hospital. So I had to walk to the hospital in the freezing cold weather to deliver the pampers to my girl. Mission accomplished!! Yes, that was a crazy night, but I still wanted to change. And I'll never forget the birth of my first born son. I didn’t tell my girl anything about the incident. I just gave her the pampers, sat down and chilled.
Another attempt to change:
Over the next several months I would continue to try to quit heroin and get my life straightened out, but I would also keep on failing as well. I got another job at Burger King, but the same thing happened there. I couldn’t hold down a job and continue to use heroin at the same time. So I only lasted for 3 days there.
At least I was trying, but I just kept on failing as well, over and over and over again. And it was impossible to quit heroin and stay clean for good while living in Lawrence Massachusetts where dope spots where continuing to pop up everywhere. Then I joined the methadone clinic in another attempt to quit and change my life as well. |
We would drive to the clinic every morning to get our daily dose of methadone juice and head straight back home. And I was actually able to go some days without using heroin at all. But sure enough, I missed the heroin high and began to use heroin again and formed a double habit – heroin and methadone, (methadone in the morning and heroin for the rest of the day), which made everything worse and made my tolerance higher.
Eventually, after testing positive for heroin repeatedly, I was kicked out of the methadone clinic. And before you know it, I was back to stealing cars again and doing more heroin than ever before which made it harder for me to quit. By now, things were worse than ever. My addiction was out of control. My whole life was out of control. I had warrants out for my arrest and subpoenas being served to my home. And on top of that, I was already on probation. So if they caught me, I was going to go to jail for sure, and for some time as well. I had to do something, not just to quit drugs, but to change my circumstances as well.
Eventually, after testing positive for heroin repeatedly, I was kicked out of the methadone clinic. And before you know it, I was back to stealing cars again and doing more heroin than ever before which made it harder for me to quit. By now, things were worse than ever. My addiction was out of control. My whole life was out of control. I had warrants out for my arrest and subpoenas being served to my home. And on top of that, I was already on probation. So if they caught me, I was going to go to jail for sure, and for some time as well. I had to do something, not just to quit drugs, but to change my circumstances as well.
A reason to change:
I had no one to talk to, so I went to see the pastor at my mother’s church. He knew I was all messed up but didn’t realize how bad the situation really was. I asked him what I should do. And of course, his advice was to quit drugs and change. So I explained to him that I’ve already tried to change over and over again and just kept failing, over and over again.
Then he asked me, “What was the most important thing in the world to me?” I thought about it, and I answered him, “My son”. So he said to me, “then do it for your son”. And I don’t know what it was about that statement, but it hit me hard, and caused my brain to wake up and take action! |
It wasn’t just in my head - it penetrated my heart as well. I loved my son dearly, and would do anything for him. So I took his advice and did it for him! I was so sick of myself and so sick of my life and sick of the person that I had become. So I put my foot down, grinded my teeth and said enough was enough! I’m going to quit this drug and I’m going to change! And that’s exactly what I set out to do. And as controversial as my next step would seem, I decided to pack it up and relocate to Orlando Florida. That was the only way that I would be able to quit heroin and change my life as well. Moreover, I was wanted by the law and there was no way that I was going to go to jail right there and then. So we took off and headed to Florida and stayed with my girls’ mom.
Finally, no more drugs. No more heroin. No more lying and no more stealing cars. I hated stealing cars. I loved driving them, but I hated stealing them. I hated stealing period! And just for the record, I never committed any violent crimes. I never hurt anyone. No muggings, no assaults, no beating up people, no car-jackings, nor anything of the kind. I never had the heart nor malicious intent for that kind of stuff, so I never did it. But finally, all the other stuff was over with and I could finally move on with my life. And I would deal with my legal matters later on down the road- after I get clean and get my life together.
Another attempt to change - in Florida:
We made it to Orlando Florida after 24 hours. And I had no choice but to quit heroin cold turkey shortly after getting there. It was horrible. I felt like I was going to die. I would remain curled up in a fetal position all day long with my winter coat on. And if I remember correctly, all I had was NyQuil, hot showers and my New York Yankees triple fat goose coat. That’s all I had. But I made it. I made it through.
The worst was over. And I couldn’t believe that I was finally able to make it out of that trap alive. And for this, I was grateful. |
But almost immediately, I began to feel empty inside. I began to feel sad and depressed daily. I would feel anxious and restless and just couldn’t sit still. Everything felt raw. It was horrible. I was going through emotional ups and downs and I didn’t know why. I had no idea that what I was going through was called PAWS, Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome, and it was very real as well. The problem was, I just didn’t know how to deal with it. I did feel better when we would go out and walk around but it was always waiting for me by the time I got back home.
But regardless of PAWS, it was time to start thinking about what my next step was going to be. And that next step would be to find a job. So I went out and did just that, and I did manage to find some temp work for a day here and a day there, but because of where we lived it was very difficult to find and keep a job without my own means of transportation. Several weeks went by and I was feeling much better, but I still needed a car to get around. So I made a decision to go back to Mass to get a car and come right back to Orlando. That was the plan, and that’s exactly what I did, but with a major drawback as well.
I got back to Mass and unfortunately, I relapsed. I failed. I started using heroin all over again. What a disappointed I was. What a failure I had become. Never in my life did I think that quitting a drug and staying clean for good would be so hard to do. I should've never went back to Mass. But I did. And to make matters worse, my habit got worse, injecting and more bags per day. But within a few short weeks I was able to find a car and I was back on my way to Orlando Florida, with a packet as well, (50 bags of heroin). My cousin and I did all of those bags before making it to Florida and we began to get anxious, restless and worried because we ran out of dope. But we had both agreed to quit cold turkey once we got to Orlando.
But regardless of PAWS, it was time to start thinking about what my next step was going to be. And that next step would be to find a job. So I went out and did just that, and I did manage to find some temp work for a day here and a day there, but because of where we lived it was very difficult to find and keep a job without my own means of transportation. Several weeks went by and I was feeling much better, but I still needed a car to get around. So I made a decision to go back to Mass to get a car and come right back to Orlando. That was the plan, and that’s exactly what I did, but with a major drawback as well.
I got back to Mass and unfortunately, I relapsed. I failed. I started using heroin all over again. What a disappointed I was. What a failure I had become. Never in my life did I think that quitting a drug and staying clean for good would be so hard to do. I should've never went back to Mass. But I did. And to make matters worse, my habit got worse, injecting and more bags per day. But within a few short weeks I was able to find a car and I was back on my way to Orlando Florida, with a packet as well, (50 bags of heroin). My cousin and I did all of those bags before making it to Florida and we began to get anxious, restless and worried because we ran out of dope. But we had both agreed to quit cold turkey once we got to Orlando.
Another attempt to change:
We arrived in Orlando Florida later that evening. After a sleepless and restless night, we began to get really sick by the morning. We really wanted to quit, and that was the plan, but we just couldn’t take it any more, and we couldn’t find any dope in Orlando at the time. So we decided to get on the very next flight to Mass. The problem was, the next flight was leaving in less than an hour and we lived pretty far from the airport. So we took off racing to the airport, running every red light in sight and burning rubber through every intersection. We made a 45 minute trip to the airport within 20 minutes. I parked the car and left the keys on the floor mat for my girl to pick up later. We were the last ones on the plane but we made it just in time.
3 hours later we were back in Mass, and back at the dope spot, shooting up dope, again. What a disappointment! I can’t believe we went through all of that just to get high, (and to get cured as well). Over time, things got worse, again. And I ended up staying there for a few months as well. After a while, my girl called me from Florida and told me to make up my mind, either stay in Mass or come to Orlando because she wasn’t going to stay there alone any longer. And of course I didn’t want her to come back to Mass, otherwise nothing would change. So one more time, I grinded my teeth and said that’s it, enough was enough, it’s time to go try again. So here we go again.
3 hours later we were back in Mass, and back at the dope spot, shooting up dope, again. What a disappointment! I can’t believe we went through all of that just to get high, (and to get cured as well). Over time, things got worse, again. And I ended up staying there for a few months as well. After a while, my girl called me from Florida and told me to make up my mind, either stay in Mass or come to Orlando because she wasn’t going to stay there alone any longer. And of course I didn’t want her to come back to Mass, otherwise nothing would change. So one more time, I grinded my teeth and said that’s it, enough was enough, it’s time to go try again. So here we go again.
Another attempt to change:
So I left back to Florida once again, with a few bundles of dope in hand and the determination to quit this drug once and for all. I ran out of heroin within a week and once again went into horrible withdrawals, but there was no way I was going to go back to Mass again. And in those days, we didn't know about Imodium, and there wasn't any Suboxone or Kratom as well. So the only thing that I could think of was methadone.
So I got on the phone and started calling local family doctors for help and finally found one doctor who was willing to help me and prescribe me methadone. I went to the doctors office. |
He gave me a check up and after a little bit of research he gave me a prescription for tiny 10mg methadone pills, 5mg morphine pills, 10mg Valiums and meds for stomach problems as well, and I would take these a few times a day for the next few weeks. I left his office straight to the pharmacy and got all the meds and took them right there on the spot. Made it back home and finally felt normal and fell asleep for hours. However, it became very difficult to fall asleep after that because every time I would lay down and close my eyes I would begin to hallucinate with very real-like hallucinations possibly due to being over-medicated or the combination of the 3 meds. But thankfully the hallucinations only lasted for a couple of days, and from there I was able to feel normal and sleep normally as well. Until of course my medications ran out a week later. Ran out of methadone, morphine and Valiums and woke up very sick and very late for my doctors appointment. Called the doctors office, told them I was on my way.
They were closing in less than 20 minutes. I jumped in the mustang 5.0 and took off racing down the highway, in and out of traffic, using the breakdown lane and broke my 2nd gear in the transmission. You see, when you wake up sick from methadone and morphine you don't think about stop signs, traffic lights and speed limits - all you think about is getting your fix, your medication before you die, or before you think you're going to die and so that you can be cured and feel normal again. Although I made it to the doctors office very quickly, unfortunately the office was closed. But thankfully, they left me the prescription for the meds in their mailbox.
They were closing in less than 20 minutes. I jumped in the mustang 5.0 and took off racing down the highway, in and out of traffic, using the breakdown lane and broke my 2nd gear in the transmission. You see, when you wake up sick from methadone and morphine you don't think about stop signs, traffic lights and speed limits - all you think about is getting your fix, your medication before you die, or before you think you're going to die and so that you can be cured and feel normal again. Although I made it to the doctors office very quickly, unfortunately the office was closed. But thankfully, they left me the prescription for the meds in their mailbox.
I drove to the pharmacy using 1st and 3rd gear. I purchased the meds and took them all right there on the spot. I didn't want to deal with the car, so I called a tow truck to take me and my car home. I didn't even care about the broken transmission, I just wanted to feel normal and not sick from withdrawals.
I stayed on the methadone, Valiums and morphine pills for just a few weeks, all the while tapering down and weaning down from the pills during the process. Finally, I managed to wean off of the pills. Although the cold chills would come and go but would become less frequent over time. But this time, I did it, and I stayed in Orlando and I stayed clean for good! It wasn’t easy. I struggled a lot. But I made it. |
I had a lot of emotional ups and downs. It wasn’t just the PAWS (Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome), but it was also the damage my brain had suffered from smoking crack that messed me up as well, and it was very evident in my behavior and in my attitude. It was very difficult to make my way back into society and interact with normal people in a normal manner.
Up until then, most of my interactions throughout my life had been with drug addicts and alcoholics, and we all got along just fine. It was normal people that I could never get along with, unless of course, they were really good people; because really good people cause you to want to act and behave and even become like really good people. I didn’t realize that those teenage years were supposed to be the most important years of my life for proper brain development. But with all the drugs, the weed, the coke, the heroin, and worst of all the crack, I was not able to think, act and function like a normal person should have.
It took me several months to feel my normal body once again. And when normality finally came, I felt it, and I couldn’t believe it. And I was so thankful to make it out of that heroin trap alive and well. I was also able to quit weed, coke, crack and all that stuff as well. I was done with all of it. I had even quit smoking cigarettes too. I seriously wanted to change. But it would take many years for my brain to heal and allow me to act and behave like a normal human being, or at least as close to normal as I could possibly be. But since I didn’t know what normal was as of yet, I just kept moving forward.
I signed up with a temporary job agency and started working odd temp jobs here and there, washing dishes, cleaning up at construction sites, and eventually that led to a roofing job that paid $12 an hour, which was pretty good wages back then. Everything was going well. Work, home, work, home, work, home. And that type of lifestyle was fine with me. No more drugs, no more jail, no more trouble. And finally, my mom could have some peace back home as well.
I had turned 21 by this time, and was finally on the right track for the first time in my life! I had no interest to buy alcohol with my age-21 pass, no interest to go to the clubs, and no interest for parties. I had no interest for any of that kind of stuff at all. I just wanted to live a normal life with my girl and my kid. That’s all. Although I still didn’t know what to do with my life, as far as what to do next, such as goals, school, etc, but at least I had some peace, and a normal life as well.
After a while however, I started thinking about my friends back home and what they were still going through with their heroin addictions. I was grateful for my freedom from this horrible drug but felt bad for them as well because they simply couldn’t quit while living in Lawrence Massachusetts. And sometimes, when an addict gets clean, they want to help others get clean as well. (Getting clean from heroin is major!) So I gave one of my best friends a call to see how he was doing, hoping to offer him some help and encouragement to quit. He explained to me how horrible things were for him and how badly he wanted to quit, but there was no way for him to do so while remaining in Lawrence Mass, which I understood completely. So I invited him to Florida to help him quit here, and he gladly accepted my offer for help.
Within a few days, he was here in Florida. And within a few more days, he was clean from heroin and stayed clean for good. It worked. He quit. And I was able to get him a job working with me as well. He was very grateful for the opportunity. And of course, I was glad to be able to help him as well. My intentions were good, but my judgment was poor, and it was way too soon for me to help anyone get clean. He wanted to quit heroin, and that’s what he did, but he had no intentions to change. I was trying to live right, but he wasn’t interested and had no interest in doing the same. And before you know it, I was right there with him. And within a very short period of time, we was out smoking weed together once again. We quit our jobs as well. And soon after that, we began to buy crack to mix it and smoke it with the weed. But soon after that however, we began to go on binges. And before you know it, I was getting arrested, again, not for stealing cars, those days were over, but for minor stuff and missing court as well. All of this within a very short period of time.
But one day, I missed court, and a few days later I got picked up on that warrant and ended up staying in the 33rd Street Jail for 2 weeks. By the time I was released, we had lost our condo, and everything else, and it was all my fault. I failed again, big-time. I was a great disappointment to my girl, her mother, and to my mother as well. I don’t think anyone on the planet has ever failed as many times as I have, over and over and over again. (It pains me just writing this.) However, during that time, my friend had left the state and had also gotten arrested in Georgia for trafficking. So that was it for us. And since we had nowhere else to go, (I was not welcome or wanted at my girls' moms house), we ended up moving out of Orlando and into Deland Florida, which was much more peaceful, and nobody knew me. And I wasn’t about to start messing around again. So although I messed up badly, here was yet another chance for me to start all over again and change my life as well.
It took me several months to feel my normal body once again. And when normality finally came, I felt it, and I couldn’t believe it. And I was so thankful to make it out of that heroin trap alive and well. I was also able to quit weed, coke, crack and all that stuff as well. I was done with all of it. I had even quit smoking cigarettes too. I seriously wanted to change. But it would take many years for my brain to heal and allow me to act and behave like a normal human being, or at least as close to normal as I could possibly be. But since I didn’t know what normal was as of yet, I just kept moving forward.
I signed up with a temporary job agency and started working odd temp jobs here and there, washing dishes, cleaning up at construction sites, and eventually that led to a roofing job that paid $12 an hour, which was pretty good wages back then. Everything was going well. Work, home, work, home, work, home. And that type of lifestyle was fine with me. No more drugs, no more jail, no more trouble. And finally, my mom could have some peace back home as well.
I had turned 21 by this time, and was finally on the right track for the first time in my life! I had no interest to buy alcohol with my age-21 pass, no interest to go to the clubs, and no interest for parties. I had no interest for any of that kind of stuff at all. I just wanted to live a normal life with my girl and my kid. That’s all. Although I still didn’t know what to do with my life, as far as what to do next, such as goals, school, etc, but at least I had some peace, and a normal life as well.
After a while however, I started thinking about my friends back home and what they were still going through with their heroin addictions. I was grateful for my freedom from this horrible drug but felt bad for them as well because they simply couldn’t quit while living in Lawrence Massachusetts. And sometimes, when an addict gets clean, they want to help others get clean as well. (Getting clean from heroin is major!) So I gave one of my best friends a call to see how he was doing, hoping to offer him some help and encouragement to quit. He explained to me how horrible things were for him and how badly he wanted to quit, but there was no way for him to do so while remaining in Lawrence Mass, which I understood completely. So I invited him to Florida to help him quit here, and he gladly accepted my offer for help.
Within a few days, he was here in Florida. And within a few more days, he was clean from heroin and stayed clean for good. It worked. He quit. And I was able to get him a job working with me as well. He was very grateful for the opportunity. And of course, I was glad to be able to help him as well. My intentions were good, but my judgment was poor, and it was way too soon for me to help anyone get clean. He wanted to quit heroin, and that’s what he did, but he had no intentions to change. I was trying to live right, but he wasn’t interested and had no interest in doing the same. And before you know it, I was right there with him. And within a very short period of time, we was out smoking weed together once again. We quit our jobs as well. And soon after that, we began to buy crack to mix it and smoke it with the weed. But soon after that however, we began to go on binges. And before you know it, I was getting arrested, again, not for stealing cars, those days were over, but for minor stuff and missing court as well. All of this within a very short period of time.
But one day, I missed court, and a few days later I got picked up on that warrant and ended up staying in the 33rd Street Jail for 2 weeks. By the time I was released, we had lost our condo, and everything else, and it was all my fault. I failed again, big-time. I was a great disappointment to my girl, her mother, and to my mother as well. I don’t think anyone on the planet has ever failed as many times as I have, over and over and over again. (It pains me just writing this.) However, during that time, my friend had left the state and had also gotten arrested in Georgia for trafficking. So that was it for us. And since we had nowhere else to go, (I was not welcome or wanted at my girls' moms house), we ended up moving out of Orlando and into Deland Florida, which was much more peaceful, and nobody knew me. And I wasn’t about to start messing around again. So although I messed up badly, here was yet another chance for me to start all over again and change my life as well.
Another attempt to change – with success:
By this time, I was 22 years old, and once again, I was determined to change my ways. So I started all over again. I stopped using drugs completely. No more heroin, no more weed, no more coke, no more crack, no more nothing. And this time I stayed away from all drugs for good!
Seriously. I had enough of drugs and had enough of failing repeatedly as well. And within a couple of weeks, I was able to quit smoking cigarettes too. One day however, I checked the mail, and sure enough, my past had caught up to me. The Law had found me and wanted me back in Mass and back in court to answer for my past. |
Yet I knew that if I went back to court that there was a good chance that I was going to go to jail for 2 years mandatory. I couldn’t keep running from the law though, and I knew that some day this day would come. So I got on a plane and went back to Mass and back to court. When I got there, my probation officer was surprised to see me and even more surprised after telling him where I was all that time. He wanted to help me get out of court, out of Mass and back to Florida as fast as possible. So as I went before the judge, my probation officer stood up on my behalf and explained to the judge that I had moved to Florida, quit drugs and had turned my life around. And right about that time, a detective that had arrested me before had also gotten up to confirm this to be true as well, as by then word had gotten around town that I had indeed moved to Florida, quit drugs and had turned my life around, (compared to what it was before, it was the difference between night and day).
Then the judge asked me, “what was I doing here, back in Mass?” So I told him “I came back to go to court”. Then he smiled and said, “case dismissed”. I was free to go. No more warrants. No more probation. No more nothing. And I didn’t have to keep worrying about the law and looking over my shoulder anymore. So I was in and out of Mass within a few short days, and without incident as well. I didn’t want to be there any longer than what I had to. So back to Florida I went.
Back in Deland, I started all over again. I signed up with a job temp agency and started working odd jobs again, construction site cleanup, etc. And within a very short period of time, someone told me about a job opening at a blueprint shop in Altamonte Springs, Florida. So I went and applied and was hired on the spot. I was very excited to have a new, steady, 9 to 5 job and another chance at life. Within a couple of weeks, I was able to move into a nice apartment in a very nice area in Altamonte Springs, thanks to my boss as well. Due to rental requirements, I needed a co-signer and my boss was kind enough and more than happy to do so. Without him, I wouldn’t have been able to get that apartment. It was the perfect job with a perfect boss. He knew what I had been through and that I was on probation for possession as well, but in spite of all of that, he was willing to take a chance on me and help me out anyway. Thank God for people like that.
Everything was starting to work out for me. And as long as I stayed away from drugs and bad friends, then everything was just fine. And for the first time in my life, I was actually able to start saving some money in the bank as well. My life was simple; work, home, work, home, work, home. Just me, my girl and my kid. And finally, once again, my mom could have some peace back home.
Then the judge asked me, “what was I doing here, back in Mass?” So I told him “I came back to go to court”. Then he smiled and said, “case dismissed”. I was free to go. No more warrants. No more probation. No more nothing. And I didn’t have to keep worrying about the law and looking over my shoulder anymore. So I was in and out of Mass within a few short days, and without incident as well. I didn’t want to be there any longer than what I had to. So back to Florida I went.
Back in Deland, I started all over again. I signed up with a job temp agency and started working odd jobs again, construction site cleanup, etc. And within a very short period of time, someone told me about a job opening at a blueprint shop in Altamonte Springs, Florida. So I went and applied and was hired on the spot. I was very excited to have a new, steady, 9 to 5 job and another chance at life. Within a couple of weeks, I was able to move into a nice apartment in a very nice area in Altamonte Springs, thanks to my boss as well. Due to rental requirements, I needed a co-signer and my boss was kind enough and more than happy to do so. Without him, I wouldn’t have been able to get that apartment. It was the perfect job with a perfect boss. He knew what I had been through and that I was on probation for possession as well, but in spite of all of that, he was willing to take a chance on me and help me out anyway. Thank God for people like that.
Everything was starting to work out for me. And as long as I stayed away from drugs and bad friends, then everything was just fine. And for the first time in my life, I was actually able to start saving some money in the bank as well. My life was simple; work, home, work, home, work, home. Just me, my girl and my kid. And finally, once again, my mom could have some peace back home.
Age 22 to 30: Clean - 8 years clean from everything:
From age 22 to 30, I was able to maintain complete sobriety. I stayed away from all drugs and cigarettes as well. I got married (to my girl), and I finally got my GED. I obtained my Florida Real Estate license as well. Soon after that I had another son. Then I bought my first home. We started and ran a successful business which I soon sold for a profit. During this time, I had a daughter as well. And soon after that, I was able to take the family on a cruise to Mexico and Belize, (where I plan to live someday). But most importantly, I was able to stay off of drugs and out of trouble for 8 years straight! And I would have to say that those 8 years were probably the best years of my life.
Part 2: My Midlife Crisis:
By the time I was 30, around 2002, I was living on Margarita Island Venezuela, which is a beautiful, Caribbean island off the north coast of Venezuela. I soon had another daughter by this time as well. By now I had 4 children, but all with the same woman of course. But about this time, something was wrong with me, and I didn’t know what it was.
I loved my children, and my wife, but I think I began to feel trapped, alone, and dissatisfied with my marriage. And I dont know how I got there, but I began to go through what is known as a “Midlife Crisis”. Temptation came my way, and I fell - not with drugs, but with women. |
I hadn’t dealt with that kind of stuff since I was 20 years old. And back then it was simple to deal with - stop messing around, cut off the other girl, and be content with the one you’re with. That’s it. But this time it was different. I was blinded to reality and caught up in this fantasy world where I was overtaken by those lust chemicals in the brain which were stronger than a drug addiction. I don’t know what happened to me, but my brain just couldn’t function correctly and I couldn’t get myself to stop and do what was right no matter how hard I had tried to do so. And when I did stop, something would happen to drag me right back into that trap again.
I did have friends who warned me of the consequences but I still couldn’t get myself to do the right thing. Those chemicals in the brain were too strong for me and I just didn’t know how to conquer it. And on top of that, I was just plain old stupid with a history of making poor decisions. Needless to say, over time, my marriage fell apart, and it was all my fault. Once again, I had failed - but this time, in the worst way possible. This was far worse than drugs and drug addiction. This was far worse than anything I had done before. I was ashamed for what I did, and I didn’t know how to deal with it. So after that, I began to go downhill, again. Because that’s what people do when they lose their family – they go downhill.
I moved in with a friend, a playboy/partyman, who had soon become a brother and a good friend to me as well. And from there on out, the party life began; strip clubs, night clubs, women, ecstasy, and a little bit of coke as well. (But no heroin). But believe it or not, I didn’t really enjoy it. It wasn’t all that fun. And the next morning after waking up, I would feel empty once again. It wasn’t what I thought it would be. And eventually, I came to find out that I wasn’t missing out on anything after all. None of it was worth it. And after a while, I stopped going out to party and stayed home more often. And once again, it was time for me to change. But I couldn’t do so while hanging around the same crowd. So after a year of living the party life, I moved to higher grounds, to be secluded, all by myself and began to work on myself once again. I hardly got to see my kids, which made things harder on me. But that was part of my reaping as well. And after a year in seclusion and isolation and quitting all drugs, I decided to return back to society once again.
Within days, I found myself back with some of my old friends once again, as we were now living in the same building on the beach. And although it wasn’t back to partying, because I hardly went out after that, it was still difficult to try and change while hanging around anyone of the same crowd, although I spent a whole lot less time with them as well. Another year went by, and not much had changed. I hardly got to see my children. And I was very disappointed with my life, and with myself as well. Soon after that, my x-wife and kids went back to Orlando Florida, while I remained on Margarita Island for another year.
I did have friends who warned me of the consequences but I still couldn’t get myself to do the right thing. Those chemicals in the brain were too strong for me and I just didn’t know how to conquer it. And on top of that, I was just plain old stupid with a history of making poor decisions. Needless to say, over time, my marriage fell apart, and it was all my fault. Once again, I had failed - but this time, in the worst way possible. This was far worse than drugs and drug addiction. This was far worse than anything I had done before. I was ashamed for what I did, and I didn’t know how to deal with it. So after that, I began to go downhill, again. Because that’s what people do when they lose their family – they go downhill.
I moved in with a friend, a playboy/partyman, who had soon become a brother and a good friend to me as well. And from there on out, the party life began; strip clubs, night clubs, women, ecstasy, and a little bit of coke as well. (But no heroin). But believe it or not, I didn’t really enjoy it. It wasn’t all that fun. And the next morning after waking up, I would feel empty once again. It wasn’t what I thought it would be. And eventually, I came to find out that I wasn’t missing out on anything after all. None of it was worth it. And after a while, I stopped going out to party and stayed home more often. And once again, it was time for me to change. But I couldn’t do so while hanging around the same crowd. So after a year of living the party life, I moved to higher grounds, to be secluded, all by myself and began to work on myself once again. I hardly got to see my kids, which made things harder on me. But that was part of my reaping as well. And after a year in seclusion and isolation and quitting all drugs, I decided to return back to society once again.
Within days, I found myself back with some of my old friends once again, as we were now living in the same building on the beach. And although it wasn’t back to partying, because I hardly went out after that, it was still difficult to try and change while hanging around anyone of the same crowd, although I spent a whole lot less time with them as well. Another year went by, and not much had changed. I hardly got to see my children. And I was very disappointed with my life, and with myself as well. Soon after that, my x-wife and kids went back to Orlando Florida, while I remained on Margarita Island for another year.
2008: HowtoQuitHeroin.com was started:
Around 2008, I wanted to do something different with my life that wasn’t all about me. Up until this time, I was caught up in self, living for self and doing what I wanted to do for me. But that didn’t get me anywhere and in fact what the very thing that messed up my life. Living for self, messed up my life. But I wanted to change and change my ways. I wanted to do something good with my life. I wanted to do something for others. And the only thing that I was able to do right all those years was staying away from heroin.
I may have messed up in every other area of my life, but I never went back to heroin, even when coming across people who were able to get some heroin. So I decided to build a website where I could help people quit heroin and stay clean for good. And that’s when HowtoQuitHeroin.com began.
All my life, I’ve been living for self, and that was the main reason why my life was so messed up and kept getting messed up and why I was not able to change. I should've been living for others, instead of living for myself. Others first, me last has always been the right way to go. And now, this was an opportunity for me to do just that – do something for others, give back to the world, and finally, do something good with my life as well…for once! And once I started to do that, then things began to change.
When I wanted to seek help for others, then help would soon come for me. And after a while, an opportunity arose, miraculously, for me to move back to Orlando Florida and start my life all over again. It was definitely a miracle, because there was no way that I could bring this to pass on my own. It just came, like out of the sky. And once again, I had another chance to start all over again and change my life for good.
I may have messed up in every other area of my life, but I never went back to heroin, even when coming across people who were able to get some heroin. So I decided to build a website where I could help people quit heroin and stay clean for good. And that’s when HowtoQuitHeroin.com began.
All my life, I’ve been living for self, and that was the main reason why my life was so messed up and kept getting messed up and why I was not able to change. I should've been living for others, instead of living for myself. Others first, me last has always been the right way to go. And now, this was an opportunity for me to do just that – do something for others, give back to the world, and finally, do something good with my life as well…for once! And once I started to do that, then things began to change.
When I wanted to seek help for others, then help would soon come for me. And after a while, an opportunity arose, miraculously, for me to move back to Orlando Florida and start my life all over again. It was definitely a miracle, because there was no way that I could bring this to pass on my own. It just came, like out of the sky. And once again, I had another chance to start all over again and change my life for good.
Back to Florida - This time for an Everlasting Change:
In March of 2009, I took off back to Florida to rebuild my life once again. And as long as I would abide by the 4 main rules: no smoking, no drinking, no women, no drugs, then I would be safe from all of these things and eventually everything else would fall into place. And that’s exactly what I did and continue to do till this very day.
I worked hard for a while, and during this time, I would continue to work on my How to Quit Heroin website as well. And the more that I saw people being helped, then the more that I kept working at it. I was amazed at how people would read, take heed and then quit this drug for good. |
Helping others has changed my life. This website has changed my life. And the people who come here, have changed my life as well. Not only are they able to quit heroin, but they’re able to change their lives as well. They change their destiny! And this definitely motivated me, and keeps motivating me to keep moving forward.
Because I know very well that there was no way that I could help these people to change if I wasn’t clean myself. And as many people know, when we help others to get clean and stay clean, then it also helps us to stay on the right path as well.
Once again however, during this time, temptation would come my way. But this time, I wouldn’t budge, not even in the slightest. One of the neighbors would walk by from time to time and invite me to smoke some weed with him. And I would easily say “no thanks, I don’t smoke anymore”. He would come by again a month later and ask me again if I wanted to smoke with him. And I would remind him again, that I don’t smoke any more. I don’t use drugs. And he would reply with, “ok, just checking”.
One day, I found a big bag of weed on the street. Someone must have lost it. I took it, got scared and quickly dumped it down the storm drain in the street. I didn’t even think once about smoking it. It actually scared me. It was almost as if someone had left it there for me to find. But I had no problem disposing of it right away. And till this very day from time to time I still have people in the neighborhood asking me if I want to buy some weed, and I have no problems saying “no thanks bro, I’m good”. They sell all kinds of drugs in my area. But there is absolutely no way that I will ever mess with drugs again, no matter what may come my way. Life has shown me mercy, and I would be crazy to turn back now and go back to my old ways.
During this time, temptation would come my way again, and this time, in the form of women; good looking, successful women, young girls, neighbors and even older women as well. In fact, I’ve had more chances with women in these last few years than I’ve ever had before in my whole entire life. And I don’t know why either. I’m not anything special. I’m not tall, handsome or charming. But they just kept coming, everywhere I went. It was is if the dark side failed to get me with drugs so now it was trying to get me with women. But I didn’t give in, to any of them, even till this day.
Someone says, “what’s wrong with women?” Nothing’s wrong with women, as long as she’s the right one. And I’m not about to go from woman to woman to find the right one. I already know how that works out. And I already know that’s not the way to go. And no offence to any women reading this, but it’s very difficult to find a “right woman” - a woman with morals, principles and a heart of gold, who strives against that which is wrong, even in her thoughts. And if they’re not like this, then at least they’re trying to achieve such. I’m sure they’re out there, but they’re very hard to find.
Someone says, “well you weren’t so moral yourself in the past”. And I would have to say yes, that’s correct. I was a horrible person and very immoral as well. But I stopped doing those things and I’m not that person anymore. And I will never do those things again for as long as I live. People change. And believe it or not, men change too. Unfortunately however, some men don’t change until they lose it all. And unfortunately, that was me. I’m one of those men. I’m one of those people who had to lose it all in order to wake up and change. I made a lot of mistakes in the past. And I will regret them for the rest of my life. But there’s nothing that I can do to change the past. The only thing that I can do now is to keep trying to do the right thing in my own life and help men and women to do the same, so that they can have a new and better life.
During this time, I had to go through a lot of reaping as well and pay for my wrong doings. We reap what we sow, and this law definitely applied to me as well. And I don’t think anyone is able to escape the law of Sowing and Reaping. We either pay for it here in this life or in the life to come, or both. And over the next few years, (the last few years) I went through a lot of problems and struggles, financial struggles, housing worries, relationship problems, family problems, rejection, mistreatment, betrayal and other problems as well. But as long as I kept trying to do the right thing in my life and kept walking the right path then everything worked out for me, even where it seemed impossible to do so. And today, things are much, much better for me than what they were before. Although I was not able to restore my family, at least I was able to get my life straightened out as a result of trying to do so. And finally, I was able to change.
Because I know very well that there was no way that I could help these people to change if I wasn’t clean myself. And as many people know, when we help others to get clean and stay clean, then it also helps us to stay on the right path as well.
Once again however, during this time, temptation would come my way. But this time, I wouldn’t budge, not even in the slightest. One of the neighbors would walk by from time to time and invite me to smoke some weed with him. And I would easily say “no thanks, I don’t smoke anymore”. He would come by again a month later and ask me again if I wanted to smoke with him. And I would remind him again, that I don’t smoke any more. I don’t use drugs. And he would reply with, “ok, just checking”.
One day, I found a big bag of weed on the street. Someone must have lost it. I took it, got scared and quickly dumped it down the storm drain in the street. I didn’t even think once about smoking it. It actually scared me. It was almost as if someone had left it there for me to find. But I had no problem disposing of it right away. And till this very day from time to time I still have people in the neighborhood asking me if I want to buy some weed, and I have no problems saying “no thanks bro, I’m good”. They sell all kinds of drugs in my area. But there is absolutely no way that I will ever mess with drugs again, no matter what may come my way. Life has shown me mercy, and I would be crazy to turn back now and go back to my old ways.
During this time, temptation would come my way again, and this time, in the form of women; good looking, successful women, young girls, neighbors and even older women as well. In fact, I’ve had more chances with women in these last few years than I’ve ever had before in my whole entire life. And I don’t know why either. I’m not anything special. I’m not tall, handsome or charming. But they just kept coming, everywhere I went. It was is if the dark side failed to get me with drugs so now it was trying to get me with women. But I didn’t give in, to any of them, even till this day.
Someone says, “what’s wrong with women?” Nothing’s wrong with women, as long as she’s the right one. And I’m not about to go from woman to woman to find the right one. I already know how that works out. And I already know that’s not the way to go. And no offence to any women reading this, but it’s very difficult to find a “right woman” - a woman with morals, principles and a heart of gold, who strives against that which is wrong, even in her thoughts. And if they’re not like this, then at least they’re trying to achieve such. I’m sure they’re out there, but they’re very hard to find.
Someone says, “well you weren’t so moral yourself in the past”. And I would have to say yes, that’s correct. I was a horrible person and very immoral as well. But I stopped doing those things and I’m not that person anymore. And I will never do those things again for as long as I live. People change. And believe it or not, men change too. Unfortunately however, some men don’t change until they lose it all. And unfortunately, that was me. I’m one of those men. I’m one of those people who had to lose it all in order to wake up and change. I made a lot of mistakes in the past. And I will regret them for the rest of my life. But there’s nothing that I can do to change the past. The only thing that I can do now is to keep trying to do the right thing in my own life and help men and women to do the same, so that they can have a new and better life.
During this time, I had to go through a lot of reaping as well and pay for my wrong doings. We reap what we sow, and this law definitely applied to me as well. And I don’t think anyone is able to escape the law of Sowing and Reaping. We either pay for it here in this life or in the life to come, or both. And over the next few years, (the last few years) I went through a lot of problems and struggles, financial struggles, housing worries, relationship problems, family problems, rejection, mistreatment, betrayal and other problems as well. But as long as I kept trying to do the right thing in my life and kept walking the right path then everything worked out for me, even where it seemed impossible to do so. And today, things are much, much better for me than what they were before. Although I was not able to restore my family, at least I was able to get my life straightened out as a result of trying to do so. And finally, I was able to change.
And believe me, I’ve learned a lot of lessons in life. And I learned them the hard way. And I think I finally figured out how most of life works. Life is a matter of sowing and reaping. We reap what we sow, in everything we do. And everything we do comes back to us in one form or another. If we do right in every area of our lives, then eventually, things will work out for us. If we do wrong however, then things won’t work out for us. And if we really do wrong, then we get punished and end up having a life full of problems; unless of course we change and get ourselves straightened out in time. And even then, we may still have to reap for some time. Moreover, when we as parents do wrong, then there’s a good chance that our children will do wrong when they grow up as well. This is all a part of sowing and reaping. We reap what we sow in everything we do. And the longer we take to change then the worse our lives become.
So man, if you’re a teenager, then the best time to get straightened out is now. Don’t wait for tomorrow. Reach out for help and get right now. Your teenage years are the most important years of your life for proper brain and behavioral development. Therefore, the best thing to do is to quit drugs now while you still have the chance to do so. Stay in school, (or get your GED), and get some kind of training, certificate or degree, or start your own business as well. Don’t follow the crowd - go your own way instead. Do the right thing now, so that you can begin to have a better life now, and even more so for the future as well. Because what you do now will have an enormous effect upon how the rest your life turns out now and in the future. And believe me, time flies, and the future, the next few years will be here sooner than you think.
If you’re a young adult, then the best thing to do is to change your life now, so that you can have a better life and so that you can become a role model for our youth. And maybe someday, you can help them to change as well. And if you don't have a family now, then maybe someday you can start a family of your own; a wife, a husband, children - a family. And believe me, the family life is the best life in the world!
And if you’re a full grown adult, then it’s never too late to change. Even if you’ve lost it all, it’s never too late to change. And in doing so, you will have a much better life for many years to come, and maybe you can help your fellow man to change their life as well. It’s never too late to change, no matter how old you are, no matter how bad we’ve messed up in our lives, it’s never too late to change and start all over again.
Today, I believe that change is possible. And I believe that it’s never too late to change. I believe in honesty and being honest, in every area of our lives. I believe in loyalty, not only to our partners but to our friends and family as well. Loyal and faithful friends are so hard to find. And family is the most important thing in the world. Believe me...I know. I used to have a family. But I no longer do. I wish I could go back in time and undo my mistakes. But I cant. So man if you still have a family, then please, don't lose them, and do whatever you can to keep them and treat them right.
I believe in trying to be moral, to as best as we can be, in every area of our lives. I believe in trying to become a better person, in every area of our lives and encouraging others to do the same. I believe in helping others and encouraging others to help others as well. I believe in treating others with love, kindness, compassion and respect. And I believe in trying to live right to as best as we can, even when no one is watching, and even in... our thoughts.
Today, I live in Orlando Florida and continue to run this website, trying to help people quit heroin, and all drugs and change their lives as well. I want to help others and I want to become a better person myself. I’m nowhere near where I would like to be, but I will continue to grow and continue to change, each and every day. And these are the kind of people that I’m looking for. These are the kind of people that I want to be around – people who want to change.
7-1-2014: In 2012, my son, Jorge E. Fernandez, (Georgie) my first born son who I quit heroin for, and now my oldest son, was diagnosed with a rare bone cancer called Ewing Sarcoma and has been in treatment from 2012 to 2014. As of May, 2014, the doctors said that there was nothing more that they can do for him and have given him 6 months to live.
So man, if you’re a teenager, then the best time to get straightened out is now. Don’t wait for tomorrow. Reach out for help and get right now. Your teenage years are the most important years of your life for proper brain and behavioral development. Therefore, the best thing to do is to quit drugs now while you still have the chance to do so. Stay in school, (or get your GED), and get some kind of training, certificate or degree, or start your own business as well. Don’t follow the crowd - go your own way instead. Do the right thing now, so that you can begin to have a better life now, and even more so for the future as well. Because what you do now will have an enormous effect upon how the rest your life turns out now and in the future. And believe me, time flies, and the future, the next few years will be here sooner than you think.
If you’re a young adult, then the best thing to do is to change your life now, so that you can have a better life and so that you can become a role model for our youth. And maybe someday, you can help them to change as well. And if you don't have a family now, then maybe someday you can start a family of your own; a wife, a husband, children - a family. And believe me, the family life is the best life in the world!
And if you’re a full grown adult, then it’s never too late to change. Even if you’ve lost it all, it’s never too late to change. And in doing so, you will have a much better life for many years to come, and maybe you can help your fellow man to change their life as well. It’s never too late to change, no matter how old you are, no matter how bad we’ve messed up in our lives, it’s never too late to change and start all over again.
Today, I believe that change is possible. And I believe that it’s never too late to change. I believe in honesty and being honest, in every area of our lives. I believe in loyalty, not only to our partners but to our friends and family as well. Loyal and faithful friends are so hard to find. And family is the most important thing in the world. Believe me...I know. I used to have a family. But I no longer do. I wish I could go back in time and undo my mistakes. But I cant. So man if you still have a family, then please, don't lose them, and do whatever you can to keep them and treat them right.
I believe in trying to be moral, to as best as we can be, in every area of our lives. I believe in trying to become a better person, in every area of our lives and encouraging others to do the same. I believe in helping others and encouraging others to help others as well. I believe in treating others with love, kindness, compassion and respect. And I believe in trying to live right to as best as we can, even when no one is watching, and even in... our thoughts.
Today, I live in Orlando Florida and continue to run this website, trying to help people quit heroin, and all drugs and change their lives as well. I want to help others and I want to become a better person myself. I’m nowhere near where I would like to be, but I will continue to grow and continue to change, each and every day. And these are the kind of people that I’m looking for. These are the kind of people that I want to be around – people who want to change.
7-1-2014: In 2012, my son, Jorge E. Fernandez, (Georgie) my first born son who I quit heroin for, and now my oldest son, was diagnosed with a rare bone cancer called Ewing Sarcoma and has been in treatment from 2012 to 2014. As of May, 2014, the doctors said that there was nothing more that they can do for him and have given him 6 months to live.
As of 8-25-2014, he was paralyzed from the waist down due to a tumor in his spine. He was still hanging in there as best as he can.
As of October 9, 2014, my son Jorgie (Georgie) Fernandez passed away. He was 22 years old. Please, if you believe in God, please pray for his family, his mother, his brother, his sisters, and his girlfriend Elizabeth Garcia who stayed by his side till the very end. Please, pray for them. Thank you. I would appreciate it very much. And if there's anything that I can do for you then please let me know. I'll do whatever I can to help. |
2018: It’s been over 3 years now since I lost my son. It left me feeling dead, numb and confused because I never thought I’d lose him - but I didn’t go out and use drugs to cope with it. I try not to think about it and what he went through, but I won’t go out and use. Haven’t seen my other 3 children in a few years. That's the way it is, nothing I can do. But I won’t go out and use.
Been through a lot of stuff over the last few years, but I won’t go out and use. I have no interest in drugs. I don’t want to use drugs. It’s not who I am anymore and it’s not who I want to be. I just want to become a better person in every area of my life and help anyone else who comes my way.
Been through a lot of stuff over the last few years, but I won’t go out and use. I have no interest in drugs. I don’t want to use drugs. It’s not who I am anymore and it’s not who I want to be. I just want to become a better person in every area of my life and help anyone else who comes my way.
I'm 45 now, 2018. I don't drink, smoke, anything. I haven’t touched heroin in over 20 years and I haven't touched any kind of drug since March 1st 2009. And I will never touch heroin or any other drug ever again in my life! And I encourage anyone with a drug problem who's reading this now, to quit all drugs and turn your life around! It's the best way and the only way to have a new and better life! And if there’s hope for me, then believe me, there’s hope for you too! There's hope for all of us!
My hope is that this website helps you, not only to quit drugs, but to change your life as well, so that you too can begin to have a new and better life from this day forward. Good luck, and may the good force be with you. Sincerely, Jorge (George) Fernandez Over 20 Years Clean from Heroin |
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